2015 Reflections.

2015 just like any other year, has been a year of challenges but also a year of growth and achievements.

2015 included closing old, broken and wounded doors but it also included the opportunity for new doors to open. It involved facing my fears and learning to take a leap forward. That being said, 2015 included a lot of tough days and sad nights as well as nights of waiting and wondering. However, it did birth a deeper level of trust and faith in God.

2015 gave me the opportunity to be brave and courageous. It provided me of having days to face people I didn't want to see and through those times of meeting, strengthened me and perhaps even gave me the courage to face my fears. 2015 made me realise that all my worries in my head of doing something or meeting someone are only mere worries in my head. I SURVIVED EVERY TERRIFYING MEET. YES. I did.

2015 taught me to know my stand and to stop worrying about what others would think of me and instead, to say what I think and feel. 2015 has taught me that it is okay to say 'NO' and that saying no does not make me a bad person. Rather, it saves me from suffering in my own timidity to speak up.

One of the best parts about 2015 was meeting new people. I got to meet a friend through very unexpected events and grew a lot closer thereafter. I met someone that has made me thoroughly happy and through our times together, I have learnt patience, joy, love, peace, kindness, perseverance and many more attributes together. While I may have gained some new people in life,  2015 has definitely narrowed down the circle of friends I had. And while those are the most painful to understand and bear, I've learnt or am still learning that if it is meant to be, it will be and sometimes life has a funny way of bringing things together. Life definitely, takes a longer route, me thinks.

2015 has made me learn that the big things I deem so important in life are really meaningless when I think about eternity in Heaven with Jesus. The stress I get into over my studies, the insecurities about myself and body and the worry about what other people think etc are all mere black dots on a spread of white paper that can hardly ever be seen. I choose to firstly, do what is pleasing to God and serve Him faithfully next year, secondly, to make myself happy (and do what I love) and not feel bad about myself and thirdly, not worry about what others think. I get so caught up with worrying about what others think of me that I never stop to do what I want.

I definitely did grow from 2014-2015. I've learnt a few things here and there. I've definitely learned to overcome my stress and I've definitely been happier this year. People who have just seen me this Christmas season has told me how much happier I look, and through the year, how I am more glowing and bright. I didn't get any of those comments 3 years ago. I only got "are you okay?" comments.

Some of my NYE's resolution would be eating a bit more healthier. I've definitely allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted this year because I was allowing myself to live free from those restrictions and counting of calories. However, I think I have gone a bit too much on the cake and occasionally the fries. So yes, a lot healthier next year and perhaps to get into the habit of eating breakfast (which I'm always late for).

Another resolution would be to do what makes me happy. Like really, to do what makes me happy. If its that I don't want to do something, I won't. And not allow myself to feel guilty after. I would also like to be happy with my life, my own self and my achievements and to NOT compare myself to my sisters, my friends and other people I see online. Comparison really, is a thief of joy and my NYE would be to not compare too much. Or at all really.

I would also like to explore Melbourne a bit more. Be more adventurous, go out on a daytrip etc. & to finish my BBG 12 weeks of workout. Currently in my first week (O Help me Jesus).

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There are probably a lot more things to cover in this blog post, but I don't want to type anymore and I don't want this too be too long for me to read the next time again.. so I guess that's it!

2016, to be honest, I am a little afraid. I don't want to go back to Uni. But I am excited for me to see how well I do with my resolutions! I hope to keep up to the BBG and see a change in myself by the end of the year, or mid-way along with my healthier eating habits and how I cope with my mental health by making myself happy.

Through it all, God has been faithful. Even through times of disappointment, He has granted me the joy to continue on and let go. Through times of pain, He has been my comfort. & in between those bad days, He has given me really good days to breathe. I have not loved Him more than I do this year and I'm excited to continue doing life with Him. I am excited to go to Sabah and love the children just like He loves me and to continue to discover my purpose in life for Him.

Thankful for my family who has been a constant and the few handful of friends I can rely on. Life throws at you many decisions and choices, the ones that make us happy are most definitely in our possession. It is whether we have a clear vision to grab them or not.

Have a happy new year and a great 2016 ahead!

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