2015 just like any other year, has been a year of challenges but also a year of growth and achievements.

2015 included closing old, broken and wounded doors but it also included the opportunity for new doors to open. It involved facing my fears and learning to take a leap forward. That being said, 2015 included a lot of tough days and sad nights as well as nights of waiting and wondering. However, it did birth a deeper level of trust and faith in God.

2015 gave me the opportunity to be brave and courageous. It provided me of having days to face people I didn't want to see and through those times of meeting, strengthened me and perhaps even gave me the courage to face my fears. 2015 made me realise that all my worries in my head of doing something or meeting someone are only mere worries in my head. I SURVIVED EVERY TERRIFYING MEET. YES. I did.

2015 taught me to know my stand and to stop worrying about what others would think of me and instead, to say what I think and feel. 2015 has taught me that it is okay to say 'NO' and that saying no does not make me a bad person. Rather, it saves me from suffering in my own timidity to speak up.

One of the best parts about 2015 was meeting new people. I got to meet a friend through very unexpected events and grew a lot closer thereafter. I met someone that has made me thoroughly happy and through our times together, I have learnt patience, joy, love, peace, kindness, perseverance and many more attributes together. While I may have gained some new people in life,  2015 has definitely narrowed down the circle of friends I had. And while those are the most painful to understand and bear, I've learnt or am still learning that if it is meant to be, it will be and sometimes life has a funny way of bringing things together. Life definitely, takes a longer route, me thinks.

2015 has made me learn that the big things I deem so important in life are really meaningless when I think about eternity in Heaven with Jesus. The stress I get into over my studies, the insecurities about myself and body and the worry about what other people think etc are all mere black dots on a spread of white paper that can hardly ever be seen. I choose to firstly, do what is pleasing to God and serve Him faithfully next year, secondly, to make myself happy (and do what I love) and not feel bad about myself and thirdly, not worry about what others think. I get so caught up with worrying about what others think of me that I never stop to do what I want.

I definitely did grow from 2014-2015. I've learnt a few things here and there. I've definitely learned to overcome my stress and I've definitely been happier this year. People who have just seen me this Christmas season has told me how much happier I look, and through the year, how I am more glowing and bright. I didn't get any of those comments 3 years ago. I only got "are you okay?" comments.

Some of my NYE's resolution would be eating a bit more healthier. I've definitely allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted this year because I was allowing myself to live free from those restrictions and counting of calories. However, I think I have gone a bit too much on the cake and occasionally the fries. So yes, a lot healthier next year and perhaps to get into the habit of eating breakfast (which I'm always late for).

Another resolution would be to do what makes me happy. Like really, to do what makes me happy. If its that I don't want to do something, I won't. And not allow myself to feel guilty after. I would also like to be happy with my life, my own self and my achievements and to NOT compare myself to my sisters, my friends and other people I see online. Comparison really, is a thief of joy and my NYE would be to not compare too much. Or at all really.

I would also like to explore Melbourne a bit more. Be more adventurous, go out on a daytrip etc. & to finish my BBG 12 weeks of workout. Currently in my first week (O Help me Jesus).

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There are probably a lot more things to cover in this blog post, but I don't want to type anymore and I don't want this too be too long for me to read the next time again.. so I guess that's it!

2016, to be honest, I am a little afraid. I don't want to go back to Uni. But I am excited for me to see how well I do with my resolutions! I hope to keep up to the BBG and see a change in myself by the end of the year, or mid-way along with my healthier eating habits and how I cope with my mental health by making myself happy.

Through it all, God has been faithful. Even through times of disappointment, He has granted me the joy to continue on and let go. Through times of pain, He has been my comfort. & in between those bad days, He has given me really good days to breathe. I have not loved Him more than I do this year and I'm excited to continue doing life with Him. I am excited to go to Sabah and love the children just like He loves me and to continue to discover my purpose in life for Him.

Thankful for my family who has been a constant and the few handful of friends I can rely on. Life throws at you many decisions and choices, the ones that make us happy are most definitely in our possession. It is whether we have a clear vision to grab them or not.

Have a happy new year and a great 2016 ahead!

x

"Come as you are." - Jesus

So lay down your burdens,

Lay down your shame,

All who are broken,

Lift up your face. 

Oh wanderer come home,

You're not too far,

So lay down your hurt, 

Lay down your heart. 

Come as you are,

Come as you are,

Fall in His arms,

Come as you are. 

There is joy in the morning,

Oh sinner be still;

Earth has no sorrow,

Heaven can't heal. 

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I love this song because this song brings about comfort at whatever stage you are in, in life. It gives hope to every person because it reminds us of the greatness of His love for us. Tonight as I sit on my bed and ponder as to how time passes by so quickly (especially when you want it to just stop), I am reminded to place every burden I have into His hands.

It is nice to know that Jesus truly satisfies every need and that whatever we need is found in Him. Whatever we need to fix our broken hearts, fill our empty souls and heal our punctured wounds, we can find all of that in Him. I love how I can come to Him on a good day, and also on a bad day. I'm so thankful He doesn't look at my surface appearance and decide then on whether I'm worthy of being helped. I love that He takes all of us in; clean, tidy, dirty, messy. I love that He allows us to come as we are, and get help from Him.

I love that He doesn't pick and choose. He embraces each one of us, no matter what we've done or whether we deserve Him. So thank You, for calling me to come to You from wherever I am. Whether my hands are dirty and stained, or whether I'm clean and tidy, thank You for loving me & for being there for me.

Tonight, I rest in You. I rest in the fact that You know my heart's desires. You know my needs. But above all, You have good plans for me. Thank You for everything.

x

the little things.

Its the little things in life, that make the most room in your heart. I think thats a quote from Winnie the Pooh.

Today, one verse was revealed to me and it was Isaiah 46:4. It goes along the lines of "I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you". How beautiful is it to know that not only did Jesus make us fearfully and wonderfully in His image, but that He promises that He will carry us through every trial and tribulation? And if that isn't comforting, He says that He will sustain us. He will provide us strength, empower us and provide us with the ability to do all that we need to do. How amazing is that? Everyday we wake up and we think of all the things we need to do, all the things we need to accomplish, and sometimes it might be a very dreadful thing to have to carry on through the day. But isn't it amazing that He says that He will sustain us? And eventually when things get too hard, He also promises rescue.

I love that Jesus just didn't stop there and say okay, thats it. I made you, thats it. Go run the world on your own. No, He didn't. He is such a loving Father that He promises to be with us through the good and the bad. How comforting is that? Are you not comforted? I am. I really am. And today, as I pondered on this verse, I couldn't help but think how amazing God is, and how I really don't have to worry about anything, because He makes all things beautiful. He does. And He will sustain me through everything, especially through this stressful exam season.

Today, there was also a double rainbow. Although I didn't get to see the double rainbow with my own eyes, I managed to see the rainbow just for about a minute or two and managed to snap a picture of it for remembrance sake. See the thing is, I live in a place where the rainbow doesn't always show (somehow) and my pictures never come up half as nice as other people who live further into the city center. But today, as I was on my snapchat, I saw that loads of people were posting about this RAINBOW that was out in the sky. I quickly ran into my room, and pulled the blinds up thinking "aw nah, im probably not going to be able to see anything.." but i did anyway and to my surprise, there was the rainbow in its beauty and glory, present in the sky.

I believe lots of people got the amazing shot of the rainbow today. But i think the rainbow wasn't just PRETTY or PRESENT, i think it was a reminder to quite a number of people of how beautiful life is, and how talented Jesus is and how little things can mean so much. You posted an insta post today talking about your talks with Jesus and how you thought it was just the weather that God was pointing you too, but when you talked about how you looked out the second time only to see the rainbow in its beauty, I was very touched. I love how God speaks in so many different ways, to different people. I love that you got to talk to Jesus in that way. Because i think there is nothing better than talking to Jesus.

So the rainbow wasn't just lovely. It was nice to know that the rainbow was a reminder, a promise that You are present, Jesus. I can't do life without You, and I am so glad You come to remind me of how much You love me by these small things that take up lots of room in my heart and make me feel so loved.


#goodnightBFF

Valentines.

Tonight if you are dreading tomorrow, or the few hours till the clock strikes midnight indicating that it is Valentine's.. know this: Valentine's is only just a normal day with 24 hours. The 14th of February just somehow has a special name, Valentine, and it can just be a normal day to you, only if you let it to be.

This post is dedicated mainly to all you single people out there trying to get through "the 14th of February" because I guess a lot of emotions can come along with the day itself. If you're feeling a little sad and lonely today, or feeling a bit jealous of the girls that get showered with love, chocolates and flowers.. just know that you don't need another person to provide you with that love. Know that true happiness can only be found from within, not from someone else. 

I will admit, getting flowers and gifts from someone feels great. Being able to wake up to a Valentine's text message, or having to go through a fun-packed day trip planned by your other half sounds absolutely wonderful. But that doesn't mean that Valentine's cannot be enjoyed by those who don't have other half's. 

You deserve all the happiness this world can offer. I sincerely mean that sentence to everyone I actually say it to. Because they do, they really do and so do you. You deserve to enjoy every day, (not just special days like Valentines) because you were made to enjoy life and live it to the fullest, whether or not you have someone there. 

I always believe that there is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. You may be alone this Valentine's Day, and probably for a few more Valentine's Day.. but you most definitely shouldn't have to feel lonely. Spend the day with your girlfriends, or boys, your "brah's". A bunch of friends can actually be really fun to be with on Valentine's Day. Imagine all the laughters you can get from looking at cheesy couples with couple tees. *no hating here, just trying to make my V-Day a lot more fun* 

So whether or not you're loving V-Day because it gives you a chance to watch sappy romance novels and get all sceptical over romance, or whether you are dreading it and know you'll have a hard time tomorrow, or if you really are looking forward to it because you have something planned with your special someone, everyone who falls into either three categories deserves to have a great day. Tomorrow shouldn't just be a reason that everyone is sad/happy. Like i said, tomorrow is just another day and just like any other day.. you deserve to feel happy. You do not need to pity yourself nor get pity from others. You just need to know that you are nothing less than your friends who have someone in their lives. You are equally as good, equally as loved and equally are enough. You should be proud of yourself for waiting it out, for slowly waiting for the right person to cross paths with you. So no self-pity, no self-degrading comments. 

I am so happy, that I get to wind down Friday in bed with my TV series 'Scandal', spend some time with my baby sister whom I will not see for a few months, get some advice from mum, type this blog post.. and spend some time with Jesus. I couldn't ask for a better pre-Vday day. I hope you have a lovely day ahead of you, and remember that Jesus loves you! 

x

Sabah: Jan 2015

For those of you who follow me on Instagram, you would have known that I went to Sabah on a mission trip from the 25th to the 29th of January. The trip lasted for 5 days, but the ministry work was only 3 days long. Just a little insight, I fell sick and got admitted into the hospital a few days before I was scheduled to go to on the trip. With only 2 days to recover and rest, I contemplated as to whether I should go to Sabah. Fears of falling sick again and not recovering properly crept into me and lets be honest, I was absolutely terrified of having to go back to the dreaded hospital again. But as the days drew closer, I took up the challenge, crawled my way to Sabah.. and all I can say as I am back home safe and sound, is that I don't regret making the decision to have gone. Why? Well, continue reading on to know why.

So the three of us (myself + Rachel x2) took separate flights from the rest of the team because we booked the tickets earlier and prices were cheaper too. We look pretty alright for about 3-4 hours of sleep, waking up at 4am and reaching the airport by 5.30 huh? The flight to Sabah took about 2 hours and 15-30 minutes. I obviously slept on the ride there (and had some very unflattering photos of myself sleeping.. but the photos aren't with me so :) ) 

An all time mandatory plane photo.... of the sunrise & plane arms. It was a very smooth flight, no screaming children (thank the Lord) nor bad turbulence.

This picture was taken when we first arrived at Kota Kinabalu. We were ferried by car + van to the KK Baptist Church where 1/4 of the team were at. This 1/4 of the team had previously gone to Pitas, another area in Sabah to do missions (a week ago) and joined the rest of the team in KK for the second part of the missions. So basically, I attended the 2nd half of the mission trip. From left to right, we have Aunty Shirley, Rachel Ng, Aunty Anne and Aunty Gek Kim. We were resting in one of the rooms of the church whilst waiting for the other half of the team on the second flight from KL-KK.

I forgot to take some photos of the bus we took from KK to Keningau. The bus ride from KK to Keningau took approximately 2 1/2 hours. We arrived safely, checked into our accommodation and attended a engagement party of one of the teachers who taught in the school. The picture below is of Rachel and I, and we so totally did NOT plan our outfits. 

You can also tell that she really loves me.... Always pushing me away and stuff like that.

Okay! So the picture above was taken at the engagement party in the bride's house. There were about almost a hundred people (my estimation can be pretty bad but..) around that night. We all managed to take turns to squeeze in the tiny area there and enjoyed a very delicious meal cooked by the nenek. Also, when we arrived at the house, it was raining very heavily.. so all 15 of us enjoyed a muddy and wet walk down the slope from the road to the bride's house. Yes. It was a fun experience. Who knew our iPhone light feature could come in so handy when we could not see anything whilst walking down the slope.

See how closely seated we all were with each other? Yes, it was due to space constraints, but I thought that it was a very lovely night. The food was good, the company was great and it was a good experience. We left and went straight to bed (after a shower of course), prepping for a full day of mission work tomorrow because, I mean, travelling can be crazy tiring.

The next day we started off our mission work in the school with the kids. This was my second time back to Keningau, and just like the first time round.. the kids ran up to meet us as our truck arrived into the school. I think we all felt like a celebrities being swarmed by paparazzi except I think our experience was 10x better.

This is one of their classrooms. This particular classroom is out in the open. A big tent covers it and shields it from the rain.

 

These are some pictures of the kids as they line up for assembly. Some of them come to school for just 10 minutes, and are sweating like mad cows as they lined up for assembly. I don't know how they do it.

So our ministry work consisted of a character building session, games, songs, art & craft as well as teachers training. So the kids were divided into different classes throughout the day and followed a rotation process. Here are just some pictures of how each session went down. :)

Myself, Indran and Su Ann were in charge of the Songs team. We taught them three songs in total for the three days that we were there. One thing about these kids, is they absolutely love to SING! and.. they have an amazing talent in learning songs so quickly.

Did I JUST MAKE A GIF? (anyway how cute is Melmon) Bless his heart <3

Say hello to Freddie. He was in the Games team along with Rachel and Michelle. The kids especially loved the games session and always came in to my singing class extremely tired and sweaty. From the pictures, I would assume that the kids loved the obstacle course game day. :) Anyhow, good job games team!

Aside from all the games, singing and fun.. the kids did some learning as well. We had character building classes in English and Malay as well as lessons on good moral values. Here is Aunty Laina, an ex-teacher who was in charge of taking care of one character building session.

Crafts team! The girls in particular loved to do the arts&crafts. Here's Rach (my annoying friend) who was helping out in the crafts team. I am especially proud of her for coming on the trip. She was very reluctant to go, not very keen on being around kids... but my persuading and forcing did her well I'm sure. This girl, I believe, has learnt so much about herself, discovered new talents and abilities and has fallen in love with kids. :) Proud of you girl, for coming! x

Here is Aunty Gek Kim, the one in charge of arts and crafts. She did an AMAZING job in preparing all the crafts for the kids. Everything was well thought, planned and carried out. She is so lovely and so wonderful!

Indran & Su Ann & Syanti who were helping me out in the singing team. We had to come up with games for the older kids as they learnt the songs so quickly we had so much time to spare.

My heart feels so happy as I see the kids enjoy singing and learning. Aside from enjoying singing and learning, these kids loveeeeeee and I mean absolutely LOVE taking photos. One shout, "MARI AMBIL GAMBAR ( lets take a photo ) and the kids just swarm you just to fit into that one picture. 

As you can tell from the pictures below...... Rach & I are struggling to find a place in this photo. Perhaps the kids don't even want us in there! :( HAHAHA!

This is me.... explaining songs on the chair... BECAUSE... I was way too tired. Who knew explaining and teaching new songs to students could be soooo tiring?

We play JENGA when we have free time and when we are bored. 

These are the dedicated teachers who sacrifice their time and effort to teach the kids. They have no experience and some of them are only in their early 20s.. (I even met a teacher who is 17), and yet, I truly salute them for wanting to try and give their best in order to provide education for the children.
They don't earn much, yet God has provided and ensured that their finances and well-being are always taken care of.

Anyhow, three days later, we eventually had to say goodbye. To have the kids shake our hands and give us hugs as they slowly left the hall was heart wrenching. This trip was an unforgettable one because of the kids. The feeling that they made me feel was indescribable. The sight of the kids trying so hard to answer the questions asked in English in order to win a biscuit bar was so beautiful. To see them so determined to pronounce the English words made my heart feel happy. These kids yearned for education, they yearned for love and a friend but yet with the little they have, they still had joy. To see them smile and sing the English songs with so much enthusiasm and joy was a definitely a beautiful sight to see. The kids didn't have to do anything to make you feel loved.  Most of the kids in the school either had no true friends, or siblings.. and so they found a lot of joy in having all of us there. To the kids, we brought them joy. Little did they know that they too, poured out so much love and joy to us unconsciously.

So this was the whole team.. in total. We were all of different age groups, and we did not know each other very well. Some of us have never even met each other before. But truly, we praise God because we were all able to work so well together and as a result, this mission trip was a successful one.


I hope you enjoyed this first blog post. As you can tell some of the pictures are edited and some aren't. I apologise for the inconsistency. I had so many photos to upload.. and definitely could not edit them in time. This blog post honestly isn't my best.. but I was rushing through this blog post as I wanted it to be up tonight. I might just do a Sabah 2 post because I have lots of photos to post!

ANYHOW..

I hope you all had a lovely day. x