Just saw a very apt statement as I was scrolling through social media and for the past 1.5 hours, I've been struggling to find a statement to come to terms with, with my situation.

But these words couldn't have been any more appropriate. 

I paraphrase / edit. 

'Don't know why, don't know how, don't know when, but i know Who'. 

;  

. 

What It Felt Like To Walk Next To A Blind Lady

As I walked out of my lecture hall at 6.15pm this evening, the sky was pitch black. The path before I got to the traffic light intersection to head home was pretty dark (with no street lights on the sidewalks). Everyone who passed by me faded into the darkness as they hurried home.

My mind was just fixed on reaching home as I was hungry and wanted to eat so badly. Thinking of nothing in particular, my eyes were just roaming the streets. Probably wondering about how dark it was and how winter was nearly approaching when suddenly I heard something tapping, or shall i say scraping the ground. A blind lady came into my rear view.

I found myself slowing my pace, walking parallel next to her.

In that moment, a few thoughts came into my mind. Among them being how grateful I was to be able to see. That thought was immediately disrupted by the fact that I was so interested in the blind lady next to me. With her walking stick in her hand, she braved her way through the unknown.

I couldn't help but realise in that instant, how brave that lady was, to walk on the street on her very own, not being able to see. Given, the lady must have had so much practice and she must have had been so familiar with the road we were on for her to be able to walk on her own, but in that moment I was just amazed at how wonderful she was.

I decided to close my eyes to see what it felt like to not know where I was going. Within 3 seconds upon closing my eyes, they opened due to fear of walking into someone or falling. By then I realized she was already a few steps ahead and began to follow behind her. I had a choice to walk quickly and head home (remember I was hungry) but I didn't. Because I wanted to make sure she got to wherever she wanted to go or at least, made sure she made it to the intersection and went the way she wanted to go.

I silently commended her in my head because to me, the lady was a clear example of what strength looked like. Whether or not she was scared to walk on the road, or whether she felt lonely treading the dark path alone, she exemplified strength. Strength in being able to accept her circumstances and not let it hold her back from experiencing life. Strength for not worrying about what others would think of her as they passed by, and strength to be able to pick herself up from her disability and find ways to challenge herself to continue living, even if she could not see.

3 hours after I came across this blind lady, I still find myself thinking "what an experience it was" to walk alongside her. She taught me what strength is. And it was beautiful. She was beautiful.

She taught me not to be defined by my circumstances but instead taught me to have a beautiful heart. She taught me that attitude can change the way I live my life however grim my situation or circumstance may seem. She taught me what bravery and boldness was, to step into the unknowns trusting that I have a guide, I have a God right beside me.

And little did she know, that I would always remember her, even if she could not see me.

G R A T E F U L

I just had to quickly open up my laptop and type everything out because I truly want to savor this exact moment (12.22 am) on the 19th of February 2016 to document how grateful and thankful I am. I don't know where all of these emotions came from.. but all of a sudden, as I started thinking of how blessed I am because I have such amazing parents.. my brain started to form its own list of the many many many things I am thankful for. 

I started to think of a friend (lets call him Ben) who was a good friend of mine during a rough period of my life. And I couldn't help but think of how grateful I am that he was there for me during that period of time and his encouragements and care was one of the reasons I managed to get better eventually. I am grateful for our friendship back then and even though we don't speak as we used to before, tonight I am thankful for him and happy for where he is in life now. 

I think about all the lessons I've learnt, and all the challenges I've been put through and I can only think of how wonderful it is that all things work together for the good and most importantly that it all works together in His time. When I look back at all the different road blocks that came my way, I can only thank God for allowing them to happen to me and thereafter giving me the grace and strength to get through it, learning life lessons and becoming a better, stronger and equipped person. 

I think of my family and how grateful I am that although we have our problems of our own, family will always be family. No matter what you do or what you say, family will always be the ones at the end of the day who will have your back. I am thankful for a dad who works day in and day out to feed us, provide for us and give me a good education. For me to think of how he can do that, amazes me still. I am thankful for a mom I can share my problems with, or talk to about life with and for her advice. For being a mother with such a tender heart and hand that is willing to guide me in life. I am thankful for my sisters, their different personalities that make my life a much better place to be in. 

I think of my handful of high-school friends that I can proudly call my true friends. I think of how life would not be worthwhile without them. I think of how much we have been through together as well as how much we've grown together and I am excited for the day I get to talk about them and how much they have impacted my life on their wedding day. I am thankful for all the people who have walked into my life and made a huge difference and for the friends who have been there for me through it all. 

I am thankful for a certain someone that has thoroughly made me a happier, better and stronger person. I am thankful for his care, his love and his strength when it comes to me. I have found someone I truly trust, respect and admire. He has taught me a lot about life, about God and most importantly has shown me the importance of having and utterly placing trust in Him. He has been a person who has brought out the best in me, teaches me and as each day goes by, reminds me of why being a God-fearing man is so important. 

I am thankful for so so so many more things tonight. Like the fact that God has been good to the Wototo choir children who were once orphans but have now found a home through the generous donations and support from churches and people around the world. I am thankful for their God-given talent in singing which honestly made me tear up during their performance tonight. I am thankful for clothes to wear, ample of food to eat, a place and shelter to call home. I am thankful for having a God who died on the cross for me, so my sins could be forgiven and so that I could have eternal life with Him in Heaven. I am thankful for a God that has taken the penalty for my sins and washed me white as snow. 

As the list can keep going on and on tonight, I will end by saying that I am so so so thankful for a bed to sleep in and a blanket to keep me warm. With that, I go to bed with a smile on my face. 

Goodnight. (: 

2015 Reflections.

2015 just like any other year, has been a year of challenges but also a year of growth and achievements.

2015 included closing old, broken and wounded doors but it also included the opportunity for new doors to open. It involved facing my fears and learning to take a leap forward. That being said, 2015 included a lot of tough days and sad nights as well as nights of waiting and wondering. However, it did birth a deeper level of trust and faith in God.

2015 gave me the opportunity to be brave and courageous. It provided me of having days to face people I didn't want to see and through those times of meeting, strengthened me and perhaps even gave me the courage to face my fears. 2015 made me realise that all my worries in my head of doing something or meeting someone are only mere worries in my head. I SURVIVED EVERY TERRIFYING MEET. YES. I did.

2015 taught me to know my stand and to stop worrying about what others would think of me and instead, to say what I think and feel. 2015 has taught me that it is okay to say 'NO' and that saying no does not make me a bad person. Rather, it saves me from suffering in my own timidity to speak up.

One of the best parts about 2015 was meeting new people. I got to meet a friend through very unexpected events and grew a lot closer thereafter. I met someone that has made me thoroughly happy and through our times together, I have learnt patience, joy, love, peace, kindness, perseverance and many more attributes together. While I may have gained some new people in life,  2015 has definitely narrowed down the circle of friends I had. And while those are the most painful to understand and bear, I've learnt or am still learning that if it is meant to be, it will be and sometimes life has a funny way of bringing things together. Life definitely, takes a longer route, me thinks.

2015 has made me learn that the big things I deem so important in life are really meaningless when I think about eternity in Heaven with Jesus. The stress I get into over my studies, the insecurities about myself and body and the worry about what other people think etc are all mere black dots on a spread of white paper that can hardly ever be seen. I choose to firstly, do what is pleasing to God and serve Him faithfully next year, secondly, to make myself happy (and do what I love) and not feel bad about myself and thirdly, not worry about what others think. I get so caught up with worrying about what others think of me that I never stop to do what I want.

I definitely did grow from 2014-2015. I've learnt a few things here and there. I've definitely learned to overcome my stress and I've definitely been happier this year. People who have just seen me this Christmas season has told me how much happier I look, and through the year, how I am more glowing and bright. I didn't get any of those comments 3 years ago. I only got "are you okay?" comments.

Some of my NYE's resolution would be eating a bit more healthier. I've definitely allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted this year because I was allowing myself to live free from those restrictions and counting of calories. However, I think I have gone a bit too much on the cake and occasionally the fries. So yes, a lot healthier next year and perhaps to get into the habit of eating breakfast (which I'm always late for).

Another resolution would be to do what makes me happy. Like really, to do what makes me happy. If its that I don't want to do something, I won't. And not allow myself to feel guilty after. I would also like to be happy with my life, my own self and my achievements and to NOT compare myself to my sisters, my friends and other people I see online. Comparison really, is a thief of joy and my NYE would be to not compare too much. Or at all really.

I would also like to explore Melbourne a bit more. Be more adventurous, go out on a daytrip etc. & to finish my BBG 12 weeks of workout. Currently in my first week (O Help me Jesus).

|

There are probably a lot more things to cover in this blog post, but I don't want to type anymore and I don't want this too be too long for me to read the next time again.. so I guess that's it!

2016, to be honest, I am a little afraid. I don't want to go back to Uni. But I am excited for me to see how well I do with my resolutions! I hope to keep up to the BBG and see a change in myself by the end of the year, or mid-way along with my healthier eating habits and how I cope with my mental health by making myself happy.

Through it all, God has been faithful. Even through times of disappointment, He has granted me the joy to continue on and let go. Through times of pain, He has been my comfort. & in between those bad days, He has given me really good days to breathe. I have not loved Him more than I do this year and I'm excited to continue doing life with Him. I am excited to go to Sabah and love the children just like He loves me and to continue to discover my purpose in life for Him.

Thankful for my family who has been a constant and the few handful of friends I can rely on. Life throws at you many decisions and choices, the ones that make us happy are most definitely in our possession. It is whether we have a clear vision to grab them or not.

Have a happy new year and a great 2016 ahead!

x

"Come as you are." - Jesus

So lay down your burdens,

Lay down your shame,

All who are broken,

Lift up your face. 

Oh wanderer come home,

You're not too far,

So lay down your hurt, 

Lay down your heart. 

Come as you are,

Come as you are,

Fall in His arms,

Come as you are. 

There is joy in the morning,

Oh sinner be still;

Earth has no sorrow,

Heaven can't heal. 

| |

I love this song because this song brings about comfort at whatever stage you are in, in life. It gives hope to every person because it reminds us of the greatness of His love for us. Tonight as I sit on my bed and ponder as to how time passes by so quickly (especially when you want it to just stop), I am reminded to place every burden I have into His hands.

It is nice to know that Jesus truly satisfies every need and that whatever we need is found in Him. Whatever we need to fix our broken hearts, fill our empty souls and heal our punctured wounds, we can find all of that in Him. I love how I can come to Him on a good day, and also on a bad day. I'm so thankful He doesn't look at my surface appearance and decide then on whether I'm worthy of being helped. I love that He takes all of us in; clean, tidy, dirty, messy. I love that He allows us to come as we are, and get help from Him.

I love that He doesn't pick and choose. He embraces each one of us, no matter what we've done or whether we deserve Him. So thank You, for calling me to come to You from wherever I am. Whether my hands are dirty and stained, or whether I'm clean and tidy, thank You for loving me & for being there for me.

Tonight, I rest in You. I rest in the fact that You know my heart's desires. You know my needs. But above all, You have good plans for me. Thank You for everything.

x

the little things.

Its the little things in life, that make the most room in your heart. I think thats a quote from Winnie the Pooh.

Today, one verse was revealed to me and it was Isaiah 46:4. It goes along the lines of "I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you". How beautiful is it to know that not only did Jesus make us fearfully and wonderfully in His image, but that He promises that He will carry us through every trial and tribulation? And if that isn't comforting, He says that He will sustain us. He will provide us strength, empower us and provide us with the ability to do all that we need to do. How amazing is that? Everyday we wake up and we think of all the things we need to do, all the things we need to accomplish, and sometimes it might be a very dreadful thing to have to carry on through the day. But isn't it amazing that He says that He will sustain us? And eventually when things get too hard, He also promises rescue.

I love that Jesus just didn't stop there and say okay, thats it. I made you, thats it. Go run the world on your own. No, He didn't. He is such a loving Father that He promises to be with us through the good and the bad. How comforting is that? Are you not comforted? I am. I really am. And today, as I pondered on this verse, I couldn't help but think how amazing God is, and how I really don't have to worry about anything, because He makes all things beautiful. He does. And He will sustain me through everything, especially through this stressful exam season.

Today, there was also a double rainbow. Although I didn't get to see the double rainbow with my own eyes, I managed to see the rainbow just for about a minute or two and managed to snap a picture of it for remembrance sake. See the thing is, I live in a place where the rainbow doesn't always show (somehow) and my pictures never come up half as nice as other people who live further into the city center. But today, as I was on my snapchat, I saw that loads of people were posting about this RAINBOW that was out in the sky. I quickly ran into my room, and pulled the blinds up thinking "aw nah, im probably not going to be able to see anything.." but i did anyway and to my surprise, there was the rainbow in its beauty and glory, present in the sky.

I believe lots of people got the amazing shot of the rainbow today. But i think the rainbow wasn't just PRETTY or PRESENT, i think it was a reminder to quite a number of people of how beautiful life is, and how talented Jesus is and how little things can mean so much. You posted an insta post today talking about your talks with Jesus and how you thought it was just the weather that God was pointing you too, but when you talked about how you looked out the second time only to see the rainbow in its beauty, I was very touched. I love how God speaks in so many different ways, to different people. I love that you got to talk to Jesus in that way. Because i think there is nothing better than talking to Jesus.

So the rainbow wasn't just lovely. It was nice to know that the rainbow was a reminder, a promise that You are present, Jesus. I can't do life without You, and I am so glad You come to remind me of how much You love me by these small things that take up lots of room in my heart and make me feel so loved.


#goodnightBFF